Drama free relationship. Alright, I’ll just come out and say it: we all know that one couple…
- Dinner parties end with them fighting in the kitchen
- Nights out have more plot twists than General Hospital
- Their Facebook pages are full of not-so-subtle posts about their love life
It’s enough to make you swear off relationships, move to a cabin in the woods, and sell homemade hats! But hang on…
Before you pack your bags, let’s chat about how to avoid unnecessary drama in relationships.
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5 Steps to a Drama Free Relationship
What are the 5 most important things in a relationship? Here they are:
1. Make sure you’re with the right person
I know. Call me Captain Obvious, but stick with me here.
As I mentioned in Dealing with Toxic People, some people LOVE drama. It’s like ice cream to them. I’ll stick to mint chocolate chip, thanks.
So, before you invest time into a drama free relationship, make sure they’re the right person for the job. How, you may ask?
Great question, star pupil.
Signs You are with the Right Person:
- They want to make things work. You’ve had the talks, you know each other, you love each other, and they’re “all in” with you.
- You can talk about your future together… without them climbing out the fire escape. This is pretty important… if, every time you bring up your future you see their coat tails, it’s time to keep looking. Nothing causes drama in a relationship like being in two different places.
- You have the same values and goals in life. Do you both want to live in the same place? Does he want kids, too? What are your views on gender roles in a relationship? Talking about these things early on sets the stage for a drama free relationship later on.
Okay, now that you’re sure he/she’s the one, let’s continue talking about how to have a drama free relationship.
COMMUNICATE. It’s in all caps. And bold. Do you get how important it is yet?
Often times couples fall into the “they should be able to read my mind” pattern.
News flash, we can’t do that (thank you to my husband for reminding me of this). It would be pretty cool if we could do some ninja mind-reading magic, but we can’t.
Recently, I was talking to a friend who was mad that her husband wasn’t home for dinner. She had taken the whole afternoon to make his favorite meal from scratch and even picked out a wine to go with it.
But did she tell him about her special plans? Nope.
So, did he think anything about staying out with his friends a little longer? Nope.
Did a fight ensue? You bet.
It’s so much easier to have a drama free relationship when you state your intentions.
3. Spend time apart
True story: I know someone whose husband accompanied her and a girlfriend to the nail salon. Why?
Because he didn’t have anything else to do and wanted to “spend time with her.”
She spent the whole time stressing about if he was having a good time (we all know he wasn’t). Then, they ended up in a big argument in front of everyone.
They left frustrated with nails half done.
Moral of the story: there is truth to the old saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder.” Together time is fantastic, but don’t lose sight of your personal time.
Getting nails done with the girls or paintball with the boys — whatever it may be. Those times apart will make your time together even more special.
Having your own personal space also cuts down on the likelihood that small things will cause a spat.
If your partner’s breathing sounds like a freight train to you, it’s time for an afternoon apart!
4. Know (and respect) your partner’s triggers
At the end of the day, you know your partner better than anyone. You know what makes them tick, happy, and upset.
AKA: You know what’s going to set them off. Respect those triggers and don’t go there.
Don’t bring up that one time. Don’t bring up that one topic. And for the love of all things green, don’t bring up their mother.
If you feel yourself going there take a deep breath and think about the consequences. Is it worth the fight? Do you want to be the person who brings your partner down rather than lifts them up?
5. Remember that your relationship is your business
Even the most loving couples disagree sometimes, it’s life. When disagreements happen, remember that there are two people in your relationship… not two people PLUS social media and friends.
If worse comes to worse, don’t blast your personal problems to the world. Social media posts are NEVER as subtle as you think they are.
And, once you make up with your partner, there is no way to undo the damage you’ve done by talking about them on social media… Because others will always see them as the person who did XYZ instead of your loving partner.
If your partner is usually a fantastic guy, get the support you need from friends… but don’t paint your partner as a super villain because of one disagreement.
More Tips for a Drama Free Relationship
You did your best but still had a spat of drama. It happens to the best of us. (Unless it’s happening all the time, and then you might need a drama intervention!)
The thing to remember is this:
How you react to drama sets the tone for not only your immediate future, but the rest of your relationship.
Here are some quick essentials:
1. Take a step back
Remember, distance makes the heart grown fonder. Take a breather from the situation and do something you enjoy.
Bonus points if you enjoy a hobby that gets you active! Research shows physical activity clears your mind and puts you in a better mood. And that’s never a bad thing.
2. Resist the urge to sound off
Social media has it’s place, but it’s not mid-fight. I promise:
- The internet is FOREVER
- Your partner or their friends is gonna see your post
- Tones and meanings can be misinterpreted online
Tip: instead of sounding off, try these 7 ways to clear negative energy.
3. Have one go-to person you can talk to
And it’s even better if this is a trusty relative or a long time friend.
After you’ve cooled down, grab a coffee with your chosen confidant and talk it out. Sometimes, saying it out loud clarifies things and puts them in a new perspective. But, if you find yourself needing to go to this person often, take a step back to evaluate your relationship.
Also, be careful not to put a mutual friend in an awkward position by dragging them in too deep.
Tip: psychic readings can be super helpful in relationships. Learn about our favorite psychics here or use the button below to enter the psychic chat:
4. Talk it out with your partner
Once you’ve both cooled off, set up a time to communicate about the drama.
Make sure neither of you is in the middle of something or pressed for time. Put your phones away and give each other undivided attention.
Be sure to approach the situation from your perspective only. Rather than saying, “you never do what you say you’re going to do!” try, “I felt let down when the dishes weren’t done.” Saying how YOU felt will help them understand what upset you. Not doing the dishes is one thing. Linking the action to an emotion gives a deeper understanding.
5. Apologize for your part in the fight
Understand that there are two sides to every story. Take ownership of your part and sincerely apologize for it.
6. Forgive and forget
This is critical. Once a situation is put to bed, don’t wake it up again. Bringing up a previous argument in the future will cause mistrust and resentment. If your partner feels like you’re keeping a rap sheet on them they will start to close off.
Well friends, that’s about all I have for you. Have you had a dramatic relationship? What did you do about it?